It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
