Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
