I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
