how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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