So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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