were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
