Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need a beard to bite.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
