he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
