Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
