Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
