honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am full of burrito and curiosity
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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