i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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