The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
