I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize