Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
