Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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