Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
