At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
