I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
