6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
