We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize