It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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