I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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