oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
false alarm. still invincible.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
