im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
3pm strippers are depressing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
