Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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