So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
