Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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