Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
