Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
