pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
