just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You can't just leave with hair like that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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