so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
