I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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