You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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