I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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