Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
pray to the hookup gods
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.