New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children