i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up