my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.