drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history