ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?