1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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