mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you will always have a special place in my vag
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
