So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
