woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
