It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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