I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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