I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
