hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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