I forgot how hot balto sounded
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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