im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He better not be in your backpack
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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