It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
