I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
