i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
