She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
