Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize