she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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