I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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