I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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