I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
