I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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