That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
