if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
