omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
