he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
